No contact – staying away from an abuser

After initially allowing contact at the end of an abusive relationship and suffering the emotional consequences of letting my narcissistic abuser back in to my life, this time I went “No contact”. I blocked email and phone contact, I changed locks (again) and I wrote myself reminders of why no contact was so important to my wellbeing. I needed to reclaim my life after over two years of emotional and physical abuse. I needed this to recover. It has been so good for me.

It has not all been smooth sailing as I still get attempted contact from the abuser but I feel so much stronger in myself, more confident, when I do not respond. I actually feel free of the manipulation and control. I feel like I have my life back. I have no idea if he ever sent text messages or emails as I still have them blocked and I always will. He has attempted other contact. A few weeks ago he sent a parcel that I did not open and gave back to the postman to be returned to sender. Two weeks later he pushed a large piece of cardboard with a scrawled message under my door whilst I was not home. This I kept a record of and ignored. I also placed a rug at the base of my door to prevent any further notes from being shoved underneath it. Today I received a letter in the mail. It has no return address but I recognise the handwriting. I have not opened it. I am not sure if I should burn it or return it – it will remain in a bottom drawer unopened until I decide. For the first time though, I do not feel that anxiety I have previously felt at any attempted contact. After the message shoved under my door I had a panic attack. I was due to go out to lunch with my family. As I drove – the tears came. Then the shaking. I pulled over for a while before continuing on my way. I arrived and was in a fog. I had to go outside and walk in the cold air to gain my composure. I repeated my mantra to myself. “No contact. I am free”. Today there was none of that. I did not even consider opening it. He has no power over me. None. I feel strong. I know him for what he is. A coward. A bully. A narcissist. An abuser. I am free of all of that. I will stay that way. 

6 thoughts on “No contact – staying away from an abuser

  1. You are amazing. You are strong. You are a good person. And, in this moment, you are my angel. Hearing your confessions, feeling the pain of your open wounds, as I also nurse my own. Your words give me life, strength, encouragement to continue my own no contact. – a fellow sister survivor


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