One step at a time … 


This is the way I am now living my life. It is amazing how life can change. From living under a huge weight and shadow, to once again being free of that burden and actually living rather than just existing. Enjoying life. Finding peace within. Healing my mind, my body and my spirit.

My belief in myself was tested by an abuser. Being in an abusive relationship is the single most destructive thing that can happen to you as it effects every single aspect of your life. I was broken over a period of years by a narcissistic abuser. Narcissists are a special kind of abuser. They play the victim, they gaslight, they project their own inadequacies and bad behaviours on to their victim to feed their need for emotional supply. They will weave a tale in which they are the victim of crazy exes and they sell it like the best snake oil salesman on the planet. They are emotional vampires. Their victims are left feeling like an empty shell and any sense of self and worth is whittled away, any confidence destroyed in the process. Then they move seamlessly on to their next supply leaving yet another victim to pick up the shattered pieces. 

It was not until I reached rock bottom and finally decided to not let this empty person destroy me, that I could truly begin to recover. It took a while. I stumbled. I allowed contact and the manipulation and control began again – worse than before as the boundaries I had failed to set had shown they could push even further, making their disdain, abuse and treatment even worse. I fell. Then, one day, I climbed back up and started moving on. No contact. A complete cutting of all ties. It was not easy, but eventually I understood at the lowest ebb that only I could extricate myself from the codependency, the control and from the misery this person was bringing to my life. The choice was made. That person would no longer diminish me or have power over me. I have not looked back. My healing continues.

Yesterday I took another step in my own personal journey. Another step in my recovery. It was actually 1624 steps. 88 floors. All forward. All onwards and upwards. As part of my recovery I set myself small goals, as well as making a “Bucket List” and yesterday I completed the Eureka Climb which was on that list. I want to run, climb and ride. I have reclaimed my life and am revelling in the experience. I still have a long way to go, but I am on a path that is healthy for me … Mind. Body. Spirit. 

I can & I will.


I am on the side of humanity …

I am not a religious person. I believe in human beings and humanity rather than any God or deity. One of my favourite quotes is; 
This is particularly relevant today. It seems like the world has gone mad and is hellbent on destruction. Humanity seems like it has been diminished by the acts of a fanatical minority. The perpetrators of the violent atrocities of this week are those dirty drops in the human ocean. They cannot taint the entire ocean of humanity, but they can, with their acts, make us believe they have. They are extremists. They only know hatred. Violence.  Darkness. I hope the world finds the light and banishes their darkness. We can be better than those who commit these abhorrent acts. I believe that the people who value life outnumber those who do not.

Life is precious and can be taken from us in the blink of an eye. The people of Syria, Paris, Beirut and Baghdad were simply going about their lives. Those who only know hate stole their lives and left chaos, heartache and despair behind. Destroyed families. Fearful citizens. Spreading their vile and twisted ideology with their violence.They have twisted religion and belief into something evil. They are not the first to do so and sadly if human history is any guide, they will not be the last. Their darkness is spreading but it can be banished. Like others before them. I hope this is so. I am not sure how they will be defeated, but it will not be by hatred. I do not pray, but I do hope, I do wish and I do have faith – in humanity. I wish with all my heart that those who have been touched by the horrors of the last few days may find peace and healing. I hope that we as human beings  improve and learn to live in peace. We have far more in common than the differences that separate us. I hope for team “humanity” to win and for the suffering of the world to cease.  For now I send out my nightly wish … please let there be peace and ease the suffering of the world.