One year on …
It has been a really important 12 months. It has been a year in which I have focused on rebuilding my life and I have to say – life has never been better. I am living and loving every moment. I am getting out amongst the world and enjoying everything – work, activities, socialising and just being me. What a difference a year makes. What a difference being free makes. I am healthier. I am fitter. I am mentally stronger. I am happier. Above all else, I am comfortable with who I am and where I am in my life. Me.
Yesterday I floated down the Yarra River in an inflatable raft as part of the 2016 Inflatable Regatta. It was an absolute blast. Gorgeously scenic, tranquil, slightly ridiculous but loads of fun. Out on the water, enjoying the best of what Melbourne (and life) has to offer.
My way of living now is pretty simple. Enjoy the now for there may be no tomorrow. I can and I will – just watch me!
This is the way I am now living my life. It is amazing how life can change. From living under a huge weight and shadow, to once again being free of that burden and actually living rather than just existing. Enjoying life. Finding peace within. Healing my mind, my body and my spirit.
My belief in myself was tested by an abuser. Being in an abusive relationship is the single most destructive thing that can happen to you as it effects every single aspect of your life. I was broken over a period of years by a narcissistic abuser. Narcissists are a special kind of abuser. They play the victim, they gaslight, they project their own inadequacies and bad behaviours on to their victim to feed their need for emotional supply. They will weave a tale in which they are the victim of crazy exes and they sell it like the best snake oil salesman on the planet. They are emotional vampires. Their victims are left feeling like an empty shell and any sense of self and worth is whittled away, any confidence destroyed in the process. Then they move seamlessly on to their next supply leaving yet another victim to pick up the shattered pieces.
It was not until I reached rock bottom and finally decided to not let this empty person destroy me, that I could truly begin to recover. It took a while. I stumbled. I allowed contact and the manipulation and control began again – worse than before as the boundaries I had failed to set had shown they could push even further, making their disdain, abuse and treatment even worse. I fell. Then, one day, I climbed back up and started moving on. No contact. A complete cutting of all ties. It was not easy, but eventually I understood at the lowest ebb that only I could extricate myself from the codependency, the control and from the misery this person was bringing to my life. The choice was made. That person would no longer diminish me or have power over me. I have not looked back. My healing continues.
Yesterday I took another step in my own personal journey. Another step in my recovery. It was actually 1624 steps. 88 floors. All forward. All onwards and upwards. As part of my recovery I set myself small goals, as well as making a “Bucket List” and yesterday I completed the Eureka Climb which was on that list. I want to run, climb and ride. I have reclaimed my life and am revelling in the experience. I still have a long way to go, but I am on a path that is healthy for me … Mind. Body. Spirit.
I can & I will.